that particular time.

How I wish you were here...
((i'm not that great of a journalist.. i almost used "chuckled" today. where have my writing skills gone? end rant)))

out to the 'burg tomorrow... it's weird, this traveling journalist thing.. i feel trapped and free at the same time.

i'm trying to fight the cloud that is my fall/winter annual depression. i'm not to the scary part yet, but there were moments today when the cloud was definitely there. my choice of music tells of the depression - all i want is pink floyd and alanis. hopefully, i won't get to the point where u2 can't save me. i guess it's good that i'm recognizing it, not like three years ago, when i thought all was lost.

i took a nap today after work, though i had an excuse with my migraine, it was needed. i love those naps, though i could have dealt without the pain.

i guess as long as you can still feel.

you go on and on

i refuse to succumb.
i still believe.

(at that particular time, i knew not to run away again.)

I could no more stop dreaming.

I'm the kid who ran away with the circus
Now I'm watering elephants
But I sometimes lie awake in the sawdust
Dreaming I'm in a suit of light

Late at night in the empty big top
Im all alone on the high wire
Look he's working without a net this time
He's a real death defier

I'm the kid who always looked out the window
Failing tests in geography
But I've seen things far beyond just the schoolyard
Distant shores of exotic lands

There're the spires of the turkish empire
Six months since we made landfall
Riding low with the spice of india
Through gibraltar, were rich men all

I'm the kid who thought we'd someday be lovers
Always held out that time would tell
Time was talking
I guess I just wasn't listening
No surprise, if you know me well

And as we're walking toward the train station
There's a whispering rainfall
Across the boulevard, you slip your hand in mine
In the distance the train calls

I'm the kid who has this habit of dreaming
Sometimes gets me in trouble too
But the truth is
I could no more stop dreaming
Than I could make them all come true
Than I could make them all come true

all the leaves are brown

I need to transcribe an hour long interview (because I'm such a fantastic journalist and never take notes), but GOD ALMIGHTY, I don't want to do it.
So I cleaned my apartment, paid bills, and I'm thinking about doing laundry.
Which means I'll be up until 2 unnecessarily to transcribe.
BLARGH.
All because I need to read the last 2 months of Gawker.
It's strange to think I've already been here a month (stranger to think that I have 8 months left).
I'm thinking about graduate school again. The problem is.. I don't really know what I want to do. I love behind-the-scenes stuff of television, I love editing for newspapers.. but it seems that .. I love it too much. I would like to be a media blogger/critic.. but blargh, there's like 4 of those and they're not going to die for a long time. And I don't know if the "college professor" route is one I should take. Blargh....
I do know that I can't live up here very long. It's better than DC, I'm actually in the south here, but I miss my friends... maybe I'll wind up in N.O.?
Heck, I don't know.

The train pulled into Paris like a rocket to the moon

Things that saved today: "Livin' on a prayer," coffee, a double cheeseburger, Diet Mountain Dew.

I think I want to write a book (but doesn't everybody?).

I'm so excited to sleep late...and not drive 3 hours to work!

I'm learning something new. I'm testing myself.

I think I'm going to restart the grad school train.

babylon

How many miles is it to Babylon?
Threescore miles and ten.

Can I get there by candlelight?
Yes, and back again.

If your heels are nimble and light,
You may get there by candlelight.

she's like the wind.

Truths:

• God, I hate cold-calling people. That's why I just want to sit at a desk somewhere and deal with the wires. HATE IT.
  
• I'm having a moment where I need to see friendly faces.
• Every day.
• I'm needing some Borge today.
• Thursdays!!!!! :(
• I've decided I need to go home for Thanksgiving. Let's hope work will let me off.
• I think I want to go back to school now...

already gone.

I need a trip to Louisiana to remember what I had, and what I have now. I need to see people that I don't have to explain my life story to. That I don't have to share the story about how I made it from small town Louisiana to middle town Virginia.
The grass is always greener.
I freaking love this song from Sugarland. I was hard core a couple years ago, with Small Town Jericho and some of their other songs. I need to buy the new album.

I'm feeling restless again. I don't know why I do that, but it should stop sometime. Today I had the urge to move to the Alps. Like THE Alps. Sigh.

I cut coupons today, while watching the Gilmore Girls. I am so Rory.
And I am my mother.

That's all. Time to go to work.

problem girl.

Roanoke. Apartment is too big, job is overwhelming.
Life is different.
But of course, I can't run back to the burning stable.

it couldn't last

I can't explain things. So here:

1. I have an apartment in Roanoke. Moving in two days. Last day on the Hill - tomorrow.
2. I wore sneakers with my skirt today. Officially DC'ed it after three months.
3. "The Devil Wears Prada" is a must after working as an assistant.
4. I'm feeling like I can do this.
5. I'm going to miss this.

She would never say where she came from
Yesterday don't matter if its gone
While the sun is bright
Or in the darkest night
No one knows
She comes and goes

Goodbye, ruby tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still Im gonna miss you...

Dont question why she needs to be so free
Shell tell you its the only way to be
She just cant be chained
To a life where nothings gained
And nothings lost
At such a cost

Theres no time to lose, I heard her say
Catch your dreams before they slip away
Dying all the time
Lose your dreams
And you will lose your mind.
Aint life unkind?

Goodbye, ruby tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still Im gonna miss you...

(you just might make it after all)

roy orbison

I think I broke my mp3 player. I'm going to try what the gods of Google say to do - bang it against a dresser - tomorrow, and if that doesn't work, I'm going to wait until I get my next paycheck to get a new one.

I didn't eat dinner.... I guess you can really save money if you skip a couple meals now and then. I need to wake up early tomorrow so I can eat a good breakfast and make my lunch. I finally got fajita chicken strips, so I'm going to eat those along with some mixed greens I got.. and I need to finish off my jar of spaghetti sauce before I move.

Give me til then to give up this fight.

I don't know where this road leads. I don't know anything really. But I know that somehow I'll make it through, just like I have before. Just like I made it through not being able to walk, my eyesight scare, being heartbroken, driving to Orlando, the winter quarter depressions, driving to DC, living in DC...
This boat isn't sinking. Cast away those doubts.