going to the courthouse

I have exactly two weeks to find a tax preparer dude, seduce him and marry him.

Then he can do my state taxes from this last year. I might even keep him around for next year.

Dang, I think I'm a decently intelligent person, but the Virginia tax form makes me feel like a moron.

NO WONDER no one in D.C. can pay their taxes correctly! They're part time Virginians just like me!!!!

I'm going to struggle through the next hour TRYING to understand these forms, and then I'm just going to throw some money at Virginia and Louisiana and book it.

That's right.
All the tax departments of Louisiana and Virginia TAKE HEED!!
It is I that you need to track down! You'll find me in an empty cold apartment somewhere, eating Ramen!
Take my wallet and my keys! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!!!!!
I'm right above the poverty line, so just take my microwave as a down payment!