running to stand still

This week at work was uber-stressful, so after spending some time shopping yesterday (and getting pink tulips) I turned to the thing I knew would make me feel better: my ipod and an early morning walk.

As I left the apt this morning at 7, with the cool air hitting my face, I couldn't help but miss the Mall.

I spent a lot of my evenings in DC walking the mall, especially when I was trying to make the decision to stay in the District or leave for ROA. On good nights, as the sun would set, I would do two "laps" or a little under 4 miles.

I missed the distinctive "crunch crunch" of the Mall.

official

I miss DC.

When I went shoe shopping today, I only got the pairs that would be comfortable with marble floors.

"Oh, these will be good Hill shoes... no, THESE will be great commuting shoes!"

And the thought that I might go back to DC scares me. But damn, it's all I can think about after finishing this degree.

represent!

So...
Sometimes I miss working in Congress... and then..
someone puts their job on Facebook as "legislative corespondent"

hahahahahahahah!

obama welcome thingy dingy

So I've been watching on ABC (I guess it's ABC, the bugs on the bottom of the screen are gone), and it so similar to those cheesy PBS concerts they hold for the 4th of July.
I've had to change the channel several times because I was going to gag.
I get that many people react to Obama like he's the second coming. I've seen it in person. Seriously, some folks get all bothered about it.
Just calm down on the cheese factor - the booming voices, the flapping bald eagle.

And, you could not pay me to ride the Metro this week if I was in DC.
First off, it already smells like stale corn chips. Then you have the DC juice - whatever that is depends on the day. Secondly, it was stuffed after Nats games - I don't want to imagine what it will be like Tuesday. Even on regular workday mornings, I would usually find myself in some guy's armpit.

P.S. Barack, Lincoln isn't behind you. His memorial is.
And I feel like I've heard this speech before. Oh well.

it couldn't last

I can't explain things. So here:

1. I have an apartment in Roanoke. Moving in two days. Last day on the Hill - tomorrow.
2. I wore sneakers with my skirt today. Officially DC'ed it after three months.
3. "The Devil Wears Prada" is a must after working as an assistant.
4. I'm feeling like I can do this.
5. I'm going to miss this.

She would never say where she came from
Yesterday don't matter if its gone
While the sun is bright
Or in the darkest night
No one knows
She comes and goes

Goodbye, ruby tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still Im gonna miss you...

Dont question why she needs to be so free
Shell tell you its the only way to be
She just cant be chained
To a life where nothings gained
And nothings lost
At such a cost

Theres no time to lose, I heard her say
Catch your dreams before they slip away
Dying all the time
Lose your dreams
And you will lose your mind.
Aint life unkind?

Goodbye, ruby tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still Im gonna miss you...

roy orbison

I think I broke my mp3 player. I'm going to try what the gods of Google say to do - bang it against a dresser - tomorrow, and if that doesn't work, I'm going to wait until I get my next paycheck to get a new one.

I didn't eat dinner.... I guess you can really save money if you skip a couple meals now and then. I need to wake up early tomorrow so I can eat a good breakfast and make my lunch. I finally got fajita chicken strips, so I'm going to eat those along with some mixed greens I got.. and I need to finish off my jar of spaghetti sauce before I move.

Give me til then to give up this fight.

I don't know where this road leads. I don't know anything really. But I know that somehow I'll make it through, just like I have before. Just like I made it through not being able to walk, my eyesight scare, being heartbroken, driving to Orlando, the winter quarter depressions, driving to DC, living in DC...
This boat isn't sinking. Cast away those doubts.

edelweiss

I stared at this painting for a long time at the Gallery of Art today. The impressionists and the post-impressionists are the only art that can move me. Monet and Van Gogh are the ones that make my heart soar. The dusty colors, the mess of the strokes - form something beautiful. One day, I'm going to have a print of this over my fireplace.
I love how you can't see if that's a person in the foreground. You don't know what they are going there... but they are there nonetheless.
*********
I love "The Sound of Music." I always turn to it. Besides Chris Plummer being GORGEOUS, I appreciate a good musical now and then.

Edelweiss, Edelweiss
Every morning you greet me
Small and white, clean and bright
You look happy to meet me

Blossom of snow may you bloom and grow
Bloom and grow forever

Edelweiss, Edelweiss
Bless my homeland forever

the strokes.

I want to paint. Feel the brushstrokes, wipe paint off and feel its coolness between my fingers. Turn a blank canvas into something. Get some artistic energy out.

I want a boyfriend for a few days. Someone to help me say good-bye to the city. Someone.

I want to stay, but I want to go. I want to work, but I want to rest.

The bright lights.

Forgive me. I need a little cheering up. Anderson and James Carville just aren't doing it for me tonight. A hurricane. Hopefully, the bosses will play their cards right and not screw this one up.

I think I need to go to sleep. Just to get the night over with.

the golden age.

Just when you start to dance with the city, you've got to head out of town.
There's that feeling in your gut that somewhere, between Foggy Bottom and Capitol South, you've left something behind.
Not a sweater, not a book. You left your inhibitions, your insecurity behind. You've stopped looking at the map, stopped counting the stations as you pass them. You just ride.

Dear Washington,
You are such a fool of a place. Why the nation's capital is full of the homeless I will never understand. Why violence occurs every night, and with the morning news comes another death.
But you are one heck of a place. I'm not sure I'm in love, but I'm leaving, so maybe absence makes my heart grow fonder for a city.

cat poop.

So, (crap, why do I start everything with "So,"?) I'm house/cat-sitting for my landlord. Which went well Sunday (fed cat) and Monday (fed cat, watered front yard), but today..
it's gone to poo.
I should explain that the landlord is having the house painted, so there's a painter guy in and out of here while I'm at work.
Being a guy, he leaves his stuff everywhere, without minding to clean up behind himself.
The cat's litter box is in the half-bath on the ground floor, and after using the bathroom, which he didn't flush (GROSS), he went on to leave the light on, BUT close the door.
So the cat pooed on the floor, and yours truly has to clean it up. I don't like cats. They are not fluffy and squishy. They are mean and might eat me while I'm asleep. I think those Siamese cats in "Lady and the Tramp" have scarred me. Anyway, I only saw the before mentioned cat poop after sitting down to eat.
I have a weak stomach. I can barely wash my dishes after dinner because I'm that quick of a gag reflex. And of course, I was starving for dinner, so I had a huge meal. Pasta, then weirdly a bowl of cereal, and then a cupcake.
And now I have to clean up cat poo. Seriously?
In other news, I have to get out of this city. I'm so ready. There are currently hooligans hanging out on the street, which isn't fun, when your car is parked out there.
I hate it sometimes, like now.
Anyway, I've called about apartments, and I've got a few options. I just want to have tv and internet as soon as I move in, which you have to be careful about.
__
When I went to the DC United game last weekend, I thought about how different life could be. How you make one decision and then nothing really happens, but your life forms.
I used to play soccer, I actually loved it. When RPAR stopped having leagues for my age, I had to quit. In P.E. during 8th grade, we had to play soccer in front of the high school coach, and I was one of the two (out of the entire grade) that he wanted for the team.
I don't know why I didn't try out. But instead of going to soccer practice after school, I went to my television, watching news. It's been about 10 years that I've been watching. At first, I didn't watch because I wanted it to be my career, or that I had to know every breaking story. I watched for the fun of it. Which is what I've been doing for the last two weeks, watching for fun. Which is weird. Because I've gotten so used to critiquing news, that it's hard for me to appreciate it. I can appreciate newspaper articles, magazine layouts, but it's really hard for me to love a newscast. Because I always see the faults, but I guess since it's live, there are hazards.
But oh, what could have been, had I stayed with soccer. But I never would have been nerdy about Shep.
__
On the House floor today, there was a tall glass of water. Seriously, this guy was beautiful. Sigh. I've done really good not having any DC crushes (besides a Capitol Police or two ;)). So I guess I'm allowed one my last two weeks.
__
Shep just said balls. On the internet. :D

give us faith so we'll be safe.

I haven't listened to Josh Groban in forever. But today was a day where some Groban was needed.

I went to church, which I miss my home church in Louisiana. It's weird that you have to search for a church that reminds you of the church you grew up in, because that's what you are used to and feels comfortable. Hopefully, I can find a good church in Roanoke.

Today I spoiled myself. After church, I went to Chipotle. The last time I had Chipotle was in South Orlando with an editor. It was so good, but I guess the Florida sun adds something to it.
Then I went to Coldstone. Which, holy cow, is so stinking good. God forgive me for all the fat grams I ate today. I had cake batter ice cream (which I highly recommend), mixed with brownies and Reese's. I think I fainted from sugar rush. SO. GOOD. I'm glad there's one close to Roanoke. I will have to try the cookie dough ice cream next time.

My faith sure has been strengthened this summer. It's essential to know that there's someone there with you, even when you feel a deep loneliness. I love knowing that God has everything lined up for me already, I just have to follow along. I completely believe in guardian angels now. Others can think of them as coincidences, but I'll go with angels. All the people who helped me figure this city out... who took me under their wings, even if it was only for a few seconds. I've been pulled from the wreckage. As the memories seep from my veins to my photo albums, I know I've found comfort.


Spend all your time waiting/For that second chance/For a break that would make it okay/ There's always one reason/To feel not good enough/ And its hard at the end of the day/ I need some distraction/Oh beautiful release/ Memory seeps from my veins/Let me be empty/
And weightless and maybe/ I'll find some peace tonight

random

I love, in no particular order:

• The smell of Marlboro Light cigarette smoke. It's very comforting.
• Andy Coop's crinkly eyes when he laughs. And I love his laugh.
• I love the drive between Mississippi and Florida.
• The smell of chlorine. Reminds me of Mamaw's pool.
• Fathers that adore their young children.
• Longworth's sweet tea
• Starbuck's marble cake, lemon cake.. heck.. I love Starbucks.
• fountain Mountain Dew
• SHEPARD. SMITH.
• Orchids. I'm obsessed with taking pictures of them.
• Random sheets of paper that remind me I live in DC.
• My staff id.
• National news.
• Peter, Paul and Mary.
• Butterflies.
• Orange flowers.
• Purple.
• Squishy pillows.
• Clean sheets.
• Slick pictures.
• Scrapbooking stores.
• You.

can you believe summer is gone?

August and Everything After

I'm really ready for Coldstone tomorrow.

I'm ready to get out of the city. To breathe air again, instead of some homeless guy's funk.
But DC has taught me a lot. I'm going to gather those all up and write about that soon. Be looking for a facebook note as well.

I'm excited. After the station here trampled me, I'm excited about news again. I'm watching it again.. of course that could also be that convention season is coming up. Woo! I love conventions for some weird reason. All they do all day is rehash the previous night's speeches, but I enjoy it. Yay mic headsets. It's one of the Super Bowls of news.. more like the Indy 500 with the headsets.

Anyway.. I need to tidy up.. and I have to do laundry tomorrow, along with researching apartments.

what have you found? the same old fears?

I suck at being off of work.
Seriously.
Anyway, I guess it's time to eat breakfast, though I don't want to eat because I'm nervous about my damn phone ringing.

Then it's off to another adventure. I'm walking to work. And trying to find a CVS on this side of town..

wish you were here.

"I'm a bachelor, I don't know very much about women, I lead a quiet sort of life down here at Manderley as you know, but I should say that kindliness, and sincerity, and if I may say so - modesty - are worth far more to a man, to a husband, than all the wit and beauty in the world."


With two of my friends getting married in two days, I'm in the mood for a wedding rant. I can't understand how you could be married before you explore. When you're younger than 25, you haven't learned how to survive yet. You're still in the nest. You may live on your own, but there's still a level of comfort, because you're still depending on others for much of your help. I wouldn't mind having someone else along on this crazy ride, but everyone says that being married won't hold them back... Every time, every relationship I've seen - someone's been held back. Sure, you have to make compromises, but one small compromise could have been your ticket to your pre-wedding band dreams. Instead, you're asking him if you're allowed to buy that pair of shoes.

Today I decided whenever I get a house, a real house, I want one room to be a library/study. I want to have subscriptions to all those glossy magazines with fat pages, stuffed with perfume samples. And I'm going to raid the bookstore during sales, buying coffeetable books, full of slick prints.

Jesus Christ, save me!

Geez, that dadgum alarm scared the mushrooms out of me!

Metro

Ask me why a Metro Access driver decided to ask me directions to Mass Ave. I barely know how to get around this neighborhood, and I refuse to drive in town. It's too darn confusing, with the streets that go diagonally, and the whole four quadrants of the city thing.

I saw someone with true cankles today. Freeeeaky.

what do you want?

what do i want? movies on a saturday night. a charged mp3 player. money for new books. a good a/c system. a van gogh print in my kitchen. a chair and a half just to read in. guilty pleasure subscriptions to "O" Magazine and Martha Stewart's mag. A Blackberry. Pilates class. Greasy Chinese food. Dairy Queen. Spanish moss on trees.

I don't understand the trend of wearing scarves in the summer. I love movies. Tomorrow will be good. I need this. I need that.

I scared myself this morning, but it's good to know I know how to take care of myself.

virginia is for....

8 hours of driving in one day is just too much with no cruise control. I did go through a can of Diet Mountain Dew, a frappacino, a roll of breathmints, two pieces of gum, a small sweet tea and a HUGE Diet Mountain Dew.

Life is strange. I am strange. I unrolled the window while it was sprinkling to smell the air. I felt like a dog smelling the wind go by, but it has been forever since I've smelled rain over dirt (clean dirt, not DC dirt)

you gotta fast car...

I just found "Bug Juice" from the Disney Channel on YouTube. I'm freaking in love.

Anyway, I've got to make a decision this week. Either to stay or go, to go one way or another. I know both choices are great.. but I still feel the urge to head back to the pines, the grasses of the South.

And if one of those choices can give me that feeling of home a little sooner, I just might have to go with that one.