Friday, July 4, 2008

don't regret this life I chose for me

It's hard when you are beginning a career. Truthfully, you know that you are at least decent at what you do. If you are like me, you try your best to do everything perfectly, from making the coffee to writing a story. And when there are people that do the job you want without being perfect (grammatical mistakes) it hurts. It feels like all these years of doing your own personal best aren't going to be enough. I know I have major weaknesses. I'm horrible at making friends - making conversations with people who aren't like me.
I hope one day I'll have a job where I enjoy the people around me and the product we produce. Until that day, I guess I'll have to keep searching.
I'm reading (among other things) "Reality Show" by Howard Kurtz. I was reading about one of the network anchors who thought of themselves as failures. I don't think anyone can call any of those anchors failures, not even the ones that are in 3rd. But it was comforting to know, as I was riding the Metro after a long day of work (work that I got to help offset the costs of an unpaid news internship) that in the end it will eventually be worth it. Even if this is my failure, there will be a success one day.
I think I want to pick a city in the South and make it my own. Who cares if the state has already been conquered? Maybe I'll finally go west, instead of calling the east my west. I want to throw a dart at a map, find a job and move. All my life I thought I wanted to work in a large market, but now that I see people here, I don't know anymore. I want to bust it at a small market, where it's okay to make mistakes, to learn, to BREATHE.
I guess I know to much about the companies that operate news stations and too much about how the business works.

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