bright lights

I've lost my motivation again. Argh.

I *should* graduate next spring, but golly, I've got senior-itis. I don't know if it's because I've been working so much (35ish hours, when I'm only supposed to work 25) or I am just T.I.R.E.D. but I've got a methodology due Wednesday and could care less.

I've been having dizzy spells for the last week or so. Vertigo is a more accurate description. I'll be sitting at my computer or desk at work, and the world will start spinning.

So I've been trying to figure that out, by eating more bananas and tofu (not together!) and drinking Powerade like it's going out of style. It's getting better, as in I'm not feeling seasick while lying in bed, but it's definitely weirding me out, and disrupting my schedule.

I also stopped my weekend morning walk, due to said dizziness, which is truly the only way I can get rid of stress.

Did I say that last week my coffeemaker broke? I WAS WITHOUT FANCY COFFEE FOR TWO DAYS!? Thankfully, I did have the office's mud coffee, but I went to Target TWICE for a coffeemaker and ended up staring at them for 30 minutes. I hate how indecisive I am, because I am not a fancy coffeeperson. I just need something that makes something that resembles java, and I'm cool. (Eventually I bought the cheap-o one at Walmart, which I have not given my money to for about two months now)

Needless to say, I feel like I'm running in circles and not getting anything done. I've got this huge research project, a case study, and tons of work drama to sort through...

and all I can think about is how I need to do laundry.

And how I want to volunteer for some Senate campaign this summer. If I'll have a job this summer. Does my thesis topic really work, really? ...

running to stand still

This week at work was uber-stressful, so after spending some time shopping yesterday (and getting pink tulips) I turned to the thing I knew would make me feel better: my ipod and an early morning walk.

As I left the apt this morning at 7, with the cool air hitting my face, I couldn't help but miss the Mall.

I spent a lot of my evenings in DC walking the mall, especially when I was trying to make the decision to stay in the District or leave for ROA. On good nights, as the sun would set, I would do two "laps" or a little under 4 miles.

I missed the distinctive "crunch crunch" of the Mall.

Best Advice Ever.

This made my day.

"you really don’t want to swim with whales, and, yeah:

Don’t ever let anyone steal your dreams.

(No matter how absolutely ridiculous they might appear)"

official

I miss DC.

When I went shoe shopping today, I only got the pairs that would be comfortable with marble floors.

"Oh, these will be good Hill shoes... no, THESE will be great commuting shoes!"

And the thought that I might go back to DC scares me. But damn, it's all I can think about after finishing this degree.

You're not the woman you envisioned//But your life is not a broken time machine

I write too much at work to actually do this thing, so I'll write a list, because I am procrastinating on finishing a research design test.

1. I really can't stand my neighborhood idiots who sit in their car for ten minutes with their ipods blaring. What are they doing? Adjusting the seat?
2. Migraines stink. I need stronger meds.
3. I'm regaining my design skills from how-ever-many-years ago. I busted out an ad in less than an hour today!
4. I think I know what I want to do with my life (at least for this particular moment).
5. I'm practically a vegetarian. I think I could go totally veg, but dang, sometimes I need Chick-fil-a. AND I'm NOT giving up my Five Guys. NOT doing it.

look how they shine for you..

1. I've gotten spoiled by having a "real" bed. I'm so looking forward to sleeping tonight after listening to NPR.
2. I must be productive this week. 2 papers, a presentation, and a book report to do. Let's go, brain!
3. Jimmy Stewart is happiness.

Things that don't work.

1. Using milk as your "sticky substance" instead of egg when making eggplant parm.
2. Eating said eggplant parm burning hot - now the roof of my mouth has melted.
3. Making hummus out of a cheap chopper and GV chickpeas.
4. Weekend newscasts.
5. My right elbow.
   

Apparently,

Harvard International Journal of Press/Politics will be my lover-boy for the next year.

just sayin'

• I miss watching TMZ, Daily Show, Colbert and Craig Ferguson late at night.
• I think I'm going to do a polly sci/government concentration.
• I need to change the time zone on my computer, because I look at it and it scares me.
• Local news stinks here. Like big hair, fake arm movements stink. Blech.
• I ain't skeerd.
  

A little past Little Rock

Listy list.

• I think I figured out the grad-school situation.
• I really like driving.
• DQ is good.
• This is the right decision. Yep.
• Still missing DC.
• Needing to read more.
• Humidity is not my friend... at all.

I won't back down

"Gonna stand my ground, won't be turned around/ And I'll keep this world from draggin' me down/ Gonna stand my ground and I won't back down."

So here I am, with my laptop sitting on a box of books, moving again. Well, moving back "home."
I learned a lot these last nine months - I gained back the weight I lost (practically) starving myself in D.C.; I learned that you really can make it on your own - though it's not fun when water comes out of the ceiling.

I came here to escape from D.C.
I felt uninspired, restless and hungry for something more.
Did I find "it"?
I can't say I did. I'm still wondering which path to take, I'm still itching to find a new sky to stay under and I still think there is something more out there.

I know that I've learned how not to be - I've proven to myself that quiet can sometimes win when the industry standard is loud.

And it is alright that I'm not the bravest in the bunch, because when the brave dispatch to their next location, there has to be someone there with a steady hand. Someone reliable and consistent. And I'll be there long after the superstars have left and when no one else can find the time.

my old friend

I'm thinking about hosting an experiment.

I might give up teevee for the summer.

OK, get up off the floor and find your dropped jaw.

I've been wanting to read more (thanks to awesome book sales) and my excuse to not read is usually in the form of mindless tv.

I need to figure out the rules of this experiment (like I have to be able to watch Jon & Kate plus 8 any time it's on - and C-SPAN) but I just might do it.

I mean, hell's bells - if Dubya can read a book a week, why can't I?


Currently Reading: War Reporting for Cowards by Chris Ayres (via big book sale at old Circuit City)

nubbin

Why am I looking at teevee stations' job boards?!?!?

the sound of silence

Here's four. Lots of weird things going on in the ole noggin.

1. I don't want to be a news producer anymore. I don't want to have to deal with anchors and reporters. I don't want to be fighting over seconds. I watch these producers everyday, and I don't see the challenge anymore.
2. Therefore, I have no clue what I want to pursue anymore. I like politics (the schedule is much more conducive to having a life) but my political views are so freaking moderate that I'm not sure either party will take me.
3. I'm mad "My Boys" will probably be completely over with tonight's season finale. Which means, I will have absolutely no television to follow religiously. Which might be a good thing. Get some reading done over the summer.
4. That said, DUDE, so looking forward to Housewives of DC - though the parents don't have Bravo... which means I might have to beg someone to record it for me.
   

hypochondriac.

Thanks to reading an obnoxious amount of news copy daily, from the WaPo (FAVE) to the AP wire, I have become a nut.

Somewhere in my Internets travels yesterday I found a story about this:


Osteochondromatosis

I have not done all the hypochondriac research, but dude, I think I might have it.

restlessness.

Restlessness is discontent and discontent is the first necessity of progress. Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I will show you a failure. – Thomas A. Edison

Warning: Not for children.

I f-ing HATE the DMV and a certain town.

You know those speedtrap little towns along the highway? Apparently this town wants to make money off of every person they talk to.

A person using a name similar to mine, decides to not show up and not pay a speeding ticket.

That bitch.

Somewhere, it gets crossed with my info, nevermind that I hadn't TOUCHED the state in months.

I send them info, they tell me nothing.

Was I supposed to assume that I needed to wipe their butts by following up with them? Isn't the law enforcement supposed to TELL people when they are in trouble??

Aren't they supposed to be a public servant? Helping the public? 

And the courts, aren't they supposed to assume you're innocent until proven otherwise? Aren't they supposed to want to HELP people with their problems?????????

If the last job on earth was the DMV and this city court, I'd gladly live on the streets.

thinking

Does swine flu start with a headache? And make you want to sleep for 12 hours?

Then I'm done for.

I hate the DMVs. I just want to freaking drive to work and Target, people.

I shouldn't have to prove that my first dog's name was Dutchess and I finished fourth grade.

Less than four weeks of work left. Good!

And this site is saving me.

see more dog and puppy pictures

see more dog and puppy pictures

see more dog and puppy pictures

Wake me up when it's over.

This week, every dang year, is horrible. Horrible horrible.

This year??

I will have no driver's license after Friday at 11:59 p.m., I'm about to cut someone at the DMV, my car's air has gone out AGAIN, I have officially no money for school, people younger than me are getting promoted above me and I think I might have eaten moldy bread.

Sigh*

Oh, yeah. I'm old again Friday. 

This week never works out right. Some people have their week turn into a national celebration. I just want it to be May 15th.

when's it my turn?

I wanted just one decision that had no factor of money. One decision where I didn't have to think about the financial consequences of it. 

One.

But here I go. Stepping onto the plank again. 

I should have stayed. Sure, I would have practically starved myself and possibly frozen to death walking back and forth to work to save money, but I would have a job come June.

My hands are tied with the rope of this crappy economy.

I can't believe I'm here again. At this place where both options seem like the right one. But they both could be wrong, since I'm apparently not a very good judge of options.

And I'm apparently having hot flashes. It's 68 in the apt and I feel like I'm gonna die.

My little sister's in the front seat with an ice cream cone

My ma's in the black seat sittin' all alone

As my pa steers her slow out of the lot for a test drive down Michigan Avenue

Now, my ma, she fingers her wedding band

And watches the salesman stare at my old man's hands

He's tellin' us all 'bout the break he'd give us if he could, but he just can't

Well if I could, I swear I know just what I'd do

Now, mister, the day the lottery I win I ain't ever gonna ride in no used car again

Now, the neighbours come from near and far

As we pull up in our brand new used car

I wish he'd just hit the gas and let out a cry and tell 'em all they can kiss our asses goodbye

My dad, he sweats the same job from mornin' to morn

Me, I walk home on the same dirty streets where I was born

Up the block I can hear my little sister in the front seat blowin' that horn

The sounds echoin' all down Michigan Avenue

Now, mister, the day my numbers comes in I ain't ever gonna ride in no used car again